1 32 AM on a Thursday morning. I'm on my phone typing this out, why? Because i can't seem to fall asleep.
I have this panicky feeling in me. Anxious, almost. I honestly don't know where this is coming from. Everything was fine just now. My heart is beating fast, i think. I don't know. I think my body feels like if it went to bed now, something horrible will happen. At least that's what my brain tells me, that says something right? I don't know why I feel so unsafe. And at times like this, I wish I was still a little girl. The little girl who can go to her parents' room and squeeze herself in between both of them. To feel safe, protected, from everything in the world. But sadly, I'm not that little girl anymore.
I know everybody says this but I geniunely feel it right now. Its like I feel exhausted, mentally and emotionally. Not sleepy, just exhausted. I don't know why. Or maybe I do. What am I saying right now?
But right now, besides the anxious, exhausted feeling, I feel numb. I feel like everything around me is moving in lightning speed. Too many things going on, too many feelings to deal with. Maybe I'm at the point where I don't want to catch up with everything anymore. So I stop. Something in me decides to be conpletely oblivious to my surroundings. And I guess that's where the numbness comes from. I feel like everyone around me are getting on with their lives happily, while I'm here. Alone. Maybe I'm just feeling a little lost. A lot, lost.
I'll be fine.
Till next time.
